When it Rains...

Update from the Verge: My ear is still clogged and my balance is completely nonexistent. It's funny, yet frustrating as hell. I went to the doctor today to have him look at a lump on my shoulder. A med student, resident, a janitor, a secretary, and some guy off the street who may have once considered medical school all agreed that it is, indeed, a lump. They also decided that they have to "excise" it.

I would prefer that they "exorcise" it, because it sounds way cooler, but I suppose I'll let them just cut it out. Then they'll send whatever prize they find inside to a lab so that they can figure out what it actually is... besides, y'know, a lump. My guess is that it will be like finally finding the prize in the cereal box and finding that it is utterly  disappointing.

In addition to my malarkey, my husband broke one of his metacarpals this weekend. For those of you uninitiated in med-speak, he broke one of the bones in his hand. Today he is going to have it checked out and casted. Hopefully he won't need a surgical repair. If he does, I wonder if they can make his hand bionic. That would be awesome. As it is, the kids want him to get a red cast so he can be Hellboy.

Between the chaos of injuries and illnesses, I still have all of the hustle and bustle of everyday life - driving one son to a summer class, trying to encourage my youngest to read, and trying to prep the oldest for college. Somewhere in those precious moments that are seemingly unoccupied, I must wrangle some words.

As a Word Mercenary, this week I am ghostwriting a children's book, editing dental website content, reviewing websites, writing audiobook news, and something else that I cannot call to mind at the moment. Huh. I'd better figure that out!

Freelance Illness

I love most things about freelancing. The one big inconvenience is the lack of being able to be sick. I have no sick time. I am not allowed to be sick. I have deadlines and due dates and while my regular clients would have no issue if I explained, some of my newer ones won't give a hoot that I'm sick. That's why I'm at my computer today.

I swam a lot last week. It was hot and humid and my husband had taken the week off. I did only the most crucial and time sensitive jobs and enjoyed being outside. On Monday of this week, my ear started to hurt. As a mom, if one of my kids complains, I take them to the doctor. When I feel sick, I ignore it. I'm too busy to be sick so I simply deny that I could even consider the possibility. It rarely works out.

By Tuesday, my balance was suffering and I couldn't hear at all from my right ear. I hip-checked a Pop Tart display in the grocery store while trying to navigate the aisle. I couldn't stop laughing... I think the store staff thought I was drunk.

Wednesday, my Facebook friends threatened me with bodily harm if I didn't see a doctor. Considering the pain, lack of balance, and irritation of my kids because I kept saying, "What?" to everything they said to me, I made the appointment.

This morning, the doctor couldn't even look in my ear. It was too swollen. Oh, did I mention that I lost my balance stepping onto the scale? Yeah. Fell off the scale. Nice, right? I had to assure the nurse that I had not been drinking.

Went straight to the pharmacy to pick up my drops (driving very carefully with my head tilted to the left which seems like it would help, but doesn't) and when I got there they said they didn't have them. In fact, they wouldn't have them until tomorrow. I'm not too proud to tell you that I started to cry. Listing to the left, I explained that my ear hurt and my balance was a mess and I NEEDED the drops. NOW. The tech took pity on me, asked me to sit down and had an urgent conversation with the pharmacist who tried not to stare at me. They called my doctor and got another order for a generic that they had in stock. It took me 3 tries to slide my debit card through the machine, but I finally completed the transaction and left with my miracle in eardrop form.

I feel like crap. I have very little focus. My ear hurts. I am trying to work, but failing miserably. Forgive me, clients, but I'm taking a sick day.

Education Reform - My Way

I'm pretty much sick of crappy teachers for my kids. There are the ones who stop teaching once they get tenure and feel they are immune and can treat the children with disdain and disrespect. There are the ones who just don't teach at all - or actually teach our kids inaccurately (yes, a teacher did try to teach my child "no taxation without revolution"). There are teachers who have such poor classroom management that very little content is taught. And then there are those who are simply teaching to the next test or assessment.

Why is the response to our children's failures more tests? Has anyone considered that it might not be the kids' problem? That it might just be related to the fact that the teachers are failing the students?

Principals and assistant principals do "observations" of teachers to assess their skill and effectiveness, right? Did you know that these are scheduled in advance? The teachers know exactly what day and time they are going to be observed. They plan their lessons around this. I've seen it with my own eyes. A teacher who is fair at best, teaches like a woman possessed by Athena, the Goddess of Wisdom when being observed. She has formulated her questions so that she knows that the students will be able to answer accurately and offer a testament to her teaching skills. Does this strike anyone as WRONG?

I think observations should be spontaneous and unannounced. That's step one. Step two is more radical and would be hated by many teachers. I think students, parents, and paraprofessionals should be able to offer an evaluation of a teacher at the end of the school year.

You are always going to have a couple of people who just didn't get along with a teacher, but if there is a trend among the comments - it would seem that further investigation is warranted. This would also benefit those teachers who are doing an outstanding job. It would provide them with feedback and confirmation. Those teachers who are not doing well have a choice: use the feedback to improve, or complain about the unfair procedure. Guess which one they will likely choose?

Administrators should be getting input from families. We are their bosses, after all. I pay school tax, therefore I pay the salaries of the school employees. I would love to have a say in evaluating their performance... wouldn't you?

An Easy Job if You Know What You're Doing.

Unbelievably, that phrase is repeated with alarming frequency in job postings for freelancing writing. Loosely translated it means, "This is so incredibly easy I won't even consider paying you what you're worth". I struggle with the temptation to respond to these potential clients, who somehow, somewhere glommed onto this offensive idea. These are some of the responses I considered:

Then, you don't know what you're doing?
If it's so damn easy, why don't you do it yourself?
Don't you mean, "a pain-in-the-neck job that I don't want to do, but I don't want to pay for it either"?

Another horrific tendency is the client who wants to pay $1 per 400 word article. This is not a typo. Oh, and they want all original content that will pass copyscape. Don't forget that you have to research the topic thoroughly and each of the 50 articles that you will be providing for $50 must be completely different. No problem!

One more trend that is always good for a laugh is a post like this one (this is an actual posting):

Creative Writing - articles I will provide topics


What the hell does this mean? How many articles? How long does each article need to be? Is it about something I know or will I have to research? The worst part about this kind of posting is that writers bid on them. With no clarification whatsoever, 12 people bid on the job. I'm baffled.

I actually admire those who, in their postings, say that they don't really care about quality. As long as it is stuffed with keywords, they are happy. They want cheap work and they are willing to pay crap money for it. Personally, I'm not willing to provide it, but that's just me.

Word Mercenary for Hire

A friend has dubbed me Word Mercenary for Hire and I like it. It makes me sound like a super hero or Rambo or something. Now instead of sitting in front of my computer idly stringing words together like pretty beads, I attack them and beat them into submission until they are absolutely perfect.

I am a Word Mercenary... and I like it.

A Bad Experience/A Learning Experience

I recently took a job that seemed like a good fit for me. I won't get into specifics, but it was writing a self-help book about relationships. The client was aware of my background and was enthusiastic about an article I had written for him on the subject. The style was to be fun and flirty. I was enthusiastic. The client seemed nice and he welcomed me to his team, saying he would have many projects for me. We spoke a few times via skype and came to an agreement.

I sent my proposed table of contents and that's when I should have been suspicious. He wanted to make sure I didn't waste time on the "romantic" aspects of rekindling relationships. I was to stress the physical. Hmmm....

The next week, I sent what I had written so far and was told to back off of the basics and get to the descriptions of what a man could do for a woman. I started to worry.

The next week he sent me the proposed title. I will not enter it here for the same reasons I am keeping details vague. I am covering my butt. The title and subtitle were pornographic and suggested force and sexual aggression. I was appalled. 

I didn't sleep for two nights. I knew I could not write what he wanted in good conscience. I could not compromise my integrity. I was afraid that he might try to hurt my reputation if I backed out. Finally, I decided to refund the payments he had made and retain the rights to my content. He asked me to reconsider, saying that I could continue along the lines I wanted, but I did not feel I could trust him. 

I lost a good amount of time and money on that project, but I learned some valuable lessons. I cannot compromise my integrity for any amount of money. I cannot write content that will potentially hurt or lead to the mistreatment of others. I have friends and family who will support me through my struggles, no matter what. If I have any concerns, I will ensure that all client interactions are in writing. If it seems hinky, it probably is.

I am not a Facebook Whore. Are You?

This will likely offend people. Proceed at your own risk. I'm not going to mess around and rant about the evils of Facebook and your privacy being violated. That's all been done to death. I'm going to talk about Facebook Whores. We all know them. They are the folks who are using Facebook as both a personal communication tool as well as for self-promotion.

Some have two Facebook pages: one for "fans" or whatever they call it now when you "like" somebody and one regular page that is supposed to be for connecting with people. Many only have one page and they just multi-task on it. No biggie. Not my business, right? Right.

But am I the only one who furrows my eyebrows at people with over 1,000 friends? C'mon... You must be a Facebook Whore. At first, I felt inferior with my paltry 75 friends. Then I looked through them. All 75 have some meaning to me. Many of them are my creepy Internet friends - my best friends in the world. And you know what? I ignore friend requests from people I don't know. *pauses to acknowledge gasps of horror*

Yup, I don't really want to wade through anyone's status updates if I don't find them interesting. Seriously. In fact, I had almost 80 friends, but went through and dropped a few because I realized that they were people I accepted before I knew any better.

So... before you get all angry and tell me I'm an idiot and all of your 2,368 friends are honest-to-goodness pals and that I suck because I have less than 100 friends... take a deep breath. It's none of my business what you do with your account. Friend everyone. Go for it. I don't really care. But I reserve the right to roll my eyes and smirk when I look at the number of "friends" you have.